Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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