Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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