It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
