i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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