watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
