we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
