Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
