im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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