i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
