The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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