I hate your face
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
we made out on top of his cat.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
