I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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