I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
