Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
