I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
