dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
