Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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