Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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