i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
True strength comes from lack of pants
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
