I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
