3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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