forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
