you guys were way drunker than both of me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I cut my penus on the lid.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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