omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
