I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
