Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Don't EVER smell your tampon
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
