Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
