what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
