The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
