im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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