Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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