my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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