I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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