So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
