Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
