from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
