I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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