sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
