On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
