Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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