im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
