At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize