i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
