Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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