guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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