The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you would pick up someone in the library
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I wear drunk well.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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