she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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