I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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