So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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