I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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