thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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