Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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