Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
