This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
