I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
