wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
