i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
