Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
