His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
