i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
