Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
