Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
