i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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