Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
