A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He better not be in your backpack
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
