Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I need to sanitize my soul.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
